sept 7

sept 7

i woke up at 10 today, and realized my little brother and sister were sitting in class right now at this big brick building called Pacific Academy. And the more daunting thought is that my little brother is now in highschool (wtf...). But as i poured my cup of coffee i realized that it felt like i was skipping school. That i should be there with them, with all my friends still, exchanging summer stories, commenting on new appearances, new hairstyles, tans, scars from thos late night adventures...PA should be calling me any second now, wondering why I'm not in class, only to find that I'm actually at Cassy's house working on an overdue essay haha.

No but for real, it's a little crazy. Last year around this time, in fact i think it was one of the first highschool chapels of the year, that i leaned over to joanne and said, "it feels like the grade 12's are just away on outreach. They're all off on trips and in week or so they'll all be back sitting with us in chapel again, or up at the front sharing their stories of the their trips, and then everything will go back to normal." Kinda feeling that again. Like all my friends are all just at summer camp, all on some weird transfer program, and that they're all coming back in a week. But they're not.

Not going to lie. I'm more than upset. And its probably just because i am one of the only ones from my friends not going back to school for a while. I have no real routine to wake up to and et going with. Yes I'm going to be busy, but its not a schedule. And to be honest, i love routine. I don't do well with change at all...in fact it takes me a really really really long time to get over things, to get over people, to get over places, to get over it. It's the way i work, its who i am. Am i excited about seeing where this next year takes me? Incredibly. But i feel like it's also getting drowned a little in my emotions. I mean You can call me oddly sensitive, or immature, or whatever, but its still a knife in my chest knowing that highschool is done. No i don't really want to go back, because i feel like IT IS DONE, i'm ready for new adventures. But i'm just not ready for new friends. I spent 13 years with some of these people, 10, 9, 8 with others...even to the people i only spent 3 years with or 2 years with....in such a close knit community, its hard not to get attached. And for me once im attached, it's almost impossible for me to let go. It takes me way too long to move on.

This summer was way different than i expected. But yknow, i'm a believer in learning lessons from experience. And maybe this summer taught me that everything you want from life, every friendship, every goal, every experience...you have to work for and put effort into. Man this is going to be a crazy year. In good ways and bad ways.

Here's to staying in touch, for the friendships that matter, for learning new things, and saying goodbye to the parts of our past we were meant to shed.