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there's a heart on my sleeve


there's this shirt i sometimes wear. I got it at pac sun in the outlets in california. It's a very simple shirt, yet it's one of my favorites because there's a heart sewn into the sleeve of one of the arms. Every time i wear it people ask me why i drew a heart on my sleeve, but then realize that it is in fact sewn on, and not even by me. I remember i bought it and didn't even realize that there was a heart on it, and then i saw it and was like "woah, look at that"....

point of all that was, i don't really speak my mind anymore. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve like i used to....over the years i've become more and more and more closed. Honesty hasn't gotten me very far, not that i lie a lot now...but i've learnt to keep my mouth shut more and more and more. I'm not forward like that anymore. I used to straight up let you know there was a problem, or would make it painfully obvious that i liked someone etc etc. My life was black and white. But i've made it so that my life is very very very grey. Nobody reeeaalllyyy knows what's going on (besides my close friends of course). But ask me something and i'll ill make the answer as grey as i can, just so that nothing can be held against me, nothing is final, and my true feelings aren't exposed. When people ask me what's wrong, i'll say nothing, or that i don't want to talk about it...i always used to ramble on and on and on and on about the stuff that was bugging me. I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve anymore
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dry and thirsty land

maybe it's time to reconnect with God.
I took a break from him a long time ago, and swore to him that I'd come back. I swore that I just needed to take a step back in order to take two steps forward. But i feel like i haven't dealt with a lot of stuff still. not that im saying you have to deal with everything before going back to God...but I just feel like there's a little hesitation. I want to be 100% sure about it, rather than ending up in the same place as before. I don't know God. It's nothing against how I feel about you. I'll always love you...i always have...and i know that love is through actions...but something in me isn't ready to give you control...not yet. 
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i don't believe in coincidence

under "recommended for you"


thanks for the recommendation God :)
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pce out

i just want to act....
i want to get out of this school and act. Finally do the thing i WANT to do.
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