frustration
open the closed door.
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walk on into something more
ow.
is this one thing.. really going to keep me from living? from acting. is this some challenge God put in my life to test me? or is it just unfortunate coincidence. I can pray for it to go away, but honestly...im just straight up scared it never ever will.
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do i deserve to pray?
i know i'm sick. but the scary part is i don't know what with.
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which means i don't know how to get better either...
i'm tired of being "careful"
too night.
this i realized...is why i can't dance
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because i know the steps
know the beat
i know which way to move my feet
but i don't want to show
don't want to bow
just in case i "don't know how"
i realized this is why i don't smile
i know the gesture
i know the way
know when after which words to say
but i don't want to smile
don't want to frown
just in case you shut me down
because you can't break what's broken
you can't speak what's spoken
you can't change, and you can't bend
you can't heal, and you can't mend
and this i realized is why i don't
why i don't, why i won't
i'm not invincible
i've come to realize that i'm not invincible. I've come to realize that words hurt, and rejection scars. I've come to realize that no matter how many times you get back up, you'll always keep count. I've realized that faking it til you make it is not aknowledged as strength. I've come to realize that feeling nothing at all means you're only strong on the outside, and that no matter who you hurt, you're hurting yourself 10 times more. I'm not invincible. I can't fly, i don't have superpowers. I've come to realize that with every dangerous choice, i get closer and closer to "chance" showing me its ugly side. With every risk, and opportunity to reap the consequences. Bad things happen. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Sometimes i will fail. Sometimes i will hurt. Sometimes i will regret. I will wish i had done things differently. Wish that i hadn't thought everything would always work out to my advantage just because i'm me. I'm not invincible. never will be.
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weak end.
i hate it how there's no halfway
no question mark that ends in grey
you lose a friend
that is the end.
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