driving in winter wonderland

driving in winter wonderland

-driving in the car-

dad: i thought you said you wanted me to keep you from hanging out with that friend

mel: what?! i'm sorry but i NEVERRRR said that. don't put words in my mouth

dad: melissa...you said it. you said "dad, they're not a good influence on me, don't let me hang out with them"

melissa : (what the hell...does he dream this stuff up? like wtf...where is this even coming from?) i never said that.

dad: *laughs a little*

melissa: it looks like we are at an impasse here

dad: all i know is that you said that. And now i'm worried about you hanging out with them again

melissa: look...i never said that, i have no idea where you even got that. And it doesn't even matter what you think either because I know what i said...and you can believe what you believe, but it doesn't affect me in any way because i know i didn't say that.  (its just another way of him trying to put some kind of control over me)

dad: *pretending to quote me* "dear mom and dad, i know we dont always see eye to eye, but most of the time i know you're right and just don't want to admit it, and i know that you're only doing it to protect me. I'm stubborn but I know that you guys know what's best for me and sooner or later I come to realize it too. So please don't stop. ".......this is where you insert your reply

melissa: (WOWWW wtf)...looks like you did it for me, didn't you now. 

its so frustrating when my dad believes something that is completely made up...and won't give it up. And trying to convince him otherwise is 100% pointless.

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what is love!? baby don't hurt me. don't hurt me.

what is love!? baby don't hurt me. don't hurt me.

love is saying sorry when you know its not your fault

only because you'd rather that than lose them 

love is saying you're happy for them when it kills you

only because you'd rather that than lose them

love is forgiving someone for something that broke you

only because you'd rather that than lose them

love is telling him how you really feel...

only because you'd rather that than lose him

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procrastination 101

procrastination 101

What are your plans for the weekend?
sleep, homework, exercise!

What do you currently hear?
coldplay 

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
nope. and how could it "mostly be something" not like many ppl just take a few strands and die that. 

Where was the first time you ever saw the person you like at the moment?
in gym class. 

Who did you last tell a secret to?
i think cassy? i dunno really. 

What was the last thing you got pierced?
my ear on my 8th birthday

Have you ever disliked someone by association?
hahaha oh yeah. but i try not to let it show. 

What does your hair look like right now?

post-shower wave. not pretty.

Has anyone ever broken your heart?
i wouldnt say broke...

Is there anyone you trust 100%?
honestly...no

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
next kiss? how about first kiss :P

Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
dad's soccer sweater =)

Will this weekend be a good one?
nah. same old homework, being lazy and ultimate procrastination

Is the last person you hugged older than you?
yeah.

What would your name be with just the first three letters?
Mel. orrr mel rox. =)

Are you someone who worries too often?
not really. but on things i care about its ulitmate worry. 

Would you ever donate blood?
yeah, why not

What are you doing right now?
sitting in my bedroom, laptopingggg

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
yeah i really do. but only for a bit, cause if its someone im not friends with i'll let it go. otherwise ill try to work it out

What was the last thing you cried about?

friends. in a good way though. 

Do you prefer sweet or sour candy?
sweet! ew sour is disgusting

Do you want to see somebody right now?
yeah...unfortunately 

Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them?
...yeah

Do you listen to songs when you're down?
yeah. and write. and sleep.

Have you ever hugged someone named Joe?
joey? hahaha..no..jo. 

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
forever or two seconds. depends on what happened that day.

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
yeah course

Is there someone you will never forget?
excluding the obvious? family and stuff...yeah. of course

Do you like somebody right now?
too much. 

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
know so.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
cassy and natalie during "my sister's keeper" haha.

Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?
haha nope.i probably woulda shut them down if they did...little earlyyy

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
too long ago. i used to write so many

Are you a morning person or a night person?
it flips back and forth. im good at getting up early though

except i prefer staying up late....im getting better at staying up late too

Do you get distracted easily?
lets just say i started this an hour ago

Tears are falling from your eyes, what's the reason?
the past getting poked at again or the realization of unwanted tomorrow. 

Who sits in front of you in math class?
tiffany and kimmie yo.

When's the last time you laughed really hard?
i always laugh a lot. 

Last reason for going on youtube?
music hunting

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
math class haha.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
cassy enns

What do you want?
my homework to magically finish itself

Would you ever get a tattoo?
something small, and only if it meant forever to me.

Did you enjoy your weekend?
its not over

Have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with J or C?
lol. no

What was the first thing you did this morning?
looked at the clock and went "oh my word...14 hours of sleep"

What are you wearing? Are you decent?
oversized sweater and black pants

Where did you get the last pair of flipflops you wore?
american eagleeee

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ghost of christmas past

ghost of christmas past

i slept for a good 13 hours, could almost count it 14, but wow thats a very long sleep. i guess thats what i get when my longest sleep during the week could pass for a nap when it verges on 4 hours a night. i try to blame it on IB but IB is not the problem, my superb skill in procrastination is. Which is why i am failing so miserably. I guess i just wanted an excuse to blog because i hadn't in a WHOLE DAY!

A week ago i got a reminder from the past. it pulled me back there so fast that i totally forgot about everything i cared about in the present. Which was a good thing! Because it was the bad things in my present i forgot about. Some maybe not bad perse, but things i'd wanted to move on from. And where "going back" isn't moving on...it still gave me the chance to forgot for a bit. Last year was one of the best and worst times of my life. I was pulled back to one of the best. The feelings became so real again, i wasn't connected to them again, but i remembered what they felt like, and it made me laugh a little to think of the person i used to be. It was like my ghost of christmas past. The reminder has faded a bit though, and i don't know if i'll get the chance to go there again. But i just wanted to say that although i did go back for a while, everything in my present haunts me again. But its not scary anymore...its reassuring. 

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oh the bestests

oh the bestests

i have the best friends in the world. bottom line right there. 

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sunday nights. glistening lights.

sunday nights. glistening lights.

today i discovered my older sister has a blog....just like me

today i saw the sister i thought i would never see again

today i tasted the pain she cried through from the past again

today i broke for everything that broke us in the past

today the thing that tore us apart, glued us back together

hi kristie. i love you.

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"i dont care anymore, i dont"

"i dont care anymore, i dont"

sometimes parents teach you not only how to stand
but to stand up
sometimes they teach you not only how to walk
but to walk away
sometimes they teach you not only how to talk
but how to talk back
so the second you showed me how to fight
was the second i learned to be allright
to live through fear
to live through hate
to make the food upon my plate
to take it all as it came
to know that it was all a game
of win or lose
of pick or choose
of count each time you make a bruise
so you can hate, and you can blame
but know that i can play the game
it doesnt matter you taught me how
cause sometimes kings are forced to bow.

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