melrox.online

fool food

A foolish son brings grief to his father
and bitterness to the one who bore him.
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding
but delights in airing his own opinions.

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..two of which are reason and emotion.
enemies in fact. Making decisions based on emotion is using your heart instead of head
and making reasonable decisions is based on using your head in stead of your heart
equally crucial, yet calamitous as well. If you choose emotion you base your future on a present feeling or certain hope. With this you could wind up looking back and thinking "what a waste" if it turns out to fall through and disappoint. Just like chasing dreams, more is left to chance. People say follow your heart, but they don't tell you the side effects.
If you choose reason you end up letting chance take its course in a whole other way. You end up stable and secure, and potentially bored out of your mind. Potentially depressed because you left behind happiness, friendship, love....but stable nonetheless.

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rotenberg method

In acting there is a method called the swing method. Virtually it states that there is a left hand side and right hand side and all people swing from one side to the other without actually landing on what they feel. They use happiness to cover up sadness, or to an extent vice versa. After sitting with my parents and another couple from our church as they discussed authenticity...i realized that Rotenberg, the man with the concept of the swing method, nailed it. There is so little authenticity in life and most of the time people are swinging from emotion to emotion without really landing on what's on their mind, without actually expressing or communicating it.

in a word. there's so much bullshit in life. People pretending to be something they're not. Pretending things are a certain way when they're really the complete opposite.

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fast track

my acting coach has a plan. it scares the crap out of me, in a good way. and it involves moving to LA sooner rather than later. This means i won't be attending university....

...i've always wanted to go to university
don't get me wrong. i want this so bad. but i want to go to university
i don't know what to do

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i built a wall

i built a wall around my heart
its there so i won't fall apart
i used my tears to build the base
supported by the hopes i chased
each iron brick was for each time i grew
cemented by wasted thoughts of you
my ladder was for each new song
each lyric, each verse, that kept me strong
every now and then i would take a break
long enough for my heart to ache
for each fresh start i start to build
with each goodbye, become more skilled
i built a wall around my heart
it's there so i won't fall apart