melrox.online

something borrowed

i bought my heart off craigslist
bought it for a dime
owner told me i'd be foolish
if i gave it half my time
said that it was broken
said it he'd tried to fix it twice
that's why he'd posted it
at such a low a price
made it seem like yesterday's coffee
caffeine gone cold
the leftover ash
from a cigarette that he'd rolled
i took it home, took it home that day
and maybe now, what's left to say
is that it was just missing a part
i thought maybe two
but then i just realized
it was a question of who

fade

in the heat of things,
everything seems catastrophically huge...

...but sooner or later you get over everything.
so do it sooner

overcoming obstacles.

Michael Jordan didn't make it onto his highschool basketball team

Dr. Seuss was rejected by the first 23 publishers that he went to..the 24th said yes

Lucille Ball....

her mother told her to not waste any more money on acting because she couldn't get anywhere with it

Terry Fox, etc.

And i pity myself because i have health issues. Thinking it's standing in my way to becoming a great actress. Well yes in a way it is, because its making me think that's the problem, when really the problem is myself. Yes i'm in pain. Yes i'm constantly sick. But since when does that mean my life needs to be stopped?

Sometimes your biggest enemy is yourself.

That's all

oh fun.

GAH I'M SO TIRED OF BEING SICK.....

great way to start 2011...fever, cold, stomach issues...ahhhh eff.

B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams - Airplanes Lyrics on Screen HD

will always be my favorite song..

word of the day

hypocrisy.

RESOLUTIONS

for a new year

1) first and foremost....ive been slacking in all areas of my life i guess, but the one that bugs me the MOST is my work ethic. and when it comes to acting, this disappoints me, and others around me i'm sure, a ton. SO number one is to...pour 200% into acting rather than 75%

2) get in shape...since i got a treadmill, i need to be using it lots and lots. so yea, get in shape, lose my winter belly ;)

3) keep the peace....i need to work a lot harder at biting my tongue rather than putting my foot in my mouth. fighting fire with fire only makes a bigger fire.

4) keep in contact with old friends better....i tend to live one day at a time, which i guess isnt necessarily bad in itself, but when you look at the long run and realize that your day to day doesnt include making the effort with people you miss dearly, its time to change.

thats all for now :)

addicted

so i quit coffee. turns out my body needs some form of addiction. the old 90210, and i think this might be the reason why ;)

resort.

It's funny...
i mean...there's really NOTHING funny about it, but it's ironic. I've gotten really really sick over the last little while. Understatement on "really"...but my point is, i've gone to the doctor tons thess past few weeks and each time i've gotten different tests, and different medications...all which are really doing absolutely nothing except make me feel nauseous as one of the side effects.

Honestly i've gone to pick up prescriptions for this and that cause maybe it'll work, maybe it won't.. "we'll see".
But then i found another thing that could maybe help. Prayer. Added that to the list of possibilities, last resort kind of deal just in case the other medication didn't put me out of my pain.

I always just expect it to be like that. "when all else fails.....pray". I know it shouldn't be like that, but it's also so uncertain. There's a possibility he could answer our prayers, and there's the possibility he couldn't. Which is the biggest load of shit in itself. Cause God always answers our prayers, just not always in the way we want. My point is though, that's the thing...we try and get it to be the "way we want". So we leave that option til last.

anyhow...here i am. Last resorts, and i'm sorry God, cause you shoulda been my first. But please help me. please.

castle walls

you're so afraid to fly
you clip your own wings
say i could never soar so high
since childhood memories
on the playground swings
where the hardest thing to hit
was the gravel down below
so you cut down all your hopes
than fight to make them grow
keep it safe with ebb and flow

i see you call it equilibrium
the more you lose the more you leave
and harder the fall, the bigger the wall
hiding the cracks that show through it all
i see you call it your aquarium
a world so deep behind fragile glass
swim away as people pass
but baby you're just waterworks

and you know its more than maybe

that you became your own enemy

won the fight you fought so hard to lose

so regret became your choice to choose

that's all it takes to look away

from anything the shade of grey

cause it's safer for your own heart to steal

than face anything it could well feel

than face anything less than real

T.I feat Christina Aguilera - Castle Walls (FULL NEW SONG 2011) + Downlo...

thanks cass.

if i could sing, maybe this is the song i'd be singing.

glass slippers

When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he’s everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot; he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.

– Taylor Swift

frustration

open the closed door.

walk on into something more

ow.

is this one thing.. really going to keep me from living? from acting. is this some challenge God put in my life to test me? or is it just unfortunate coincidence. I can pray for it to go away, but honestly...im just straight up scared it never ever will.

do i deserve to pray?

i know i'm sick. but the scary part is i don't know what with.

which means i don't know how to get better either...

i'm tired of being "careful"

too night.

this i realized...is why i can't dance

because i know the steps

know the beat

i know which way to move my feet

but i don't want to show

don't want to bow

just in case i "don't know how"

i realized this is why i don't smile

i know the gesture

i know the way

know when after which words to say

but i don't want to smile

don't want to frown

just in case you shut me down

because you can't break what's broken

you can't speak what's spoken

you can't change, and you can't bend

you can't heal, and you can't mend

and this i realized is why i don't

why i don't, why i won't

////

i keep people at a distance.
that's just what i do.

i'm not invincible

i've come to realize that i'm not invincible. I've come to realize that words hurt, and rejection scars. I've come to realize that no matter how many times you get back up, you'll always keep count. I've realized that faking it til you make it is not aknowledged as strength. I've come to realize that feeling nothing at all means you're only strong on the outside, and that no matter who you hurt, you're hurting yourself 10 times more. I'm not invincible. I can't fly, i don't have superpowers. I've come to realize that with every dangerous choice, i get closer and closer to "chance" showing me its ugly side. With every risk, and opportunity to reap the consequences. Bad things happen. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Sometimes i will fail. Sometimes i will hurt. Sometimes i will regret. I will wish i had done things differently. Wish that i hadn't thought everything would always work out to my advantage just because i'm me. I'm not invincible. never will be.

weak end.

i hate it how there's no halfway
no question mark that ends in grey
you lose a friend
that is the end.

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)